Fickle minded Eileen

Yesterday I went out with edwin to exchange our presents. All went well. I was confused for a moment, especially when I saw the card he wrote for me. He has tried to please me and the impact was great becuase he wrote it before we broke up and I said he didn't care. So it's like trying and still wun help make me happy...timing problem...

And now, he wants to take things slow..i hope it's to regain confidence in this relationship, I love him very much even though he can be sometimes very tactless, but i guess that's him, after two years I still haven't gotten used? I dun noe myself anymore, just dun noe what to do, very sad, confused and disappointed. I guess i am too prideful, I thought breaking up with him would trigger him to work harder and put in more effort, but now looking at the situation, breaking up with him only made him even more relaxed. I dun noe to expect a good thing out of this. I am keeping my fingers crossed and wait. I am embarassed to admit the fact that i will wait but now I dun care anymore. Also, I am not the kind who can get into a relationship like changing my underwear, the time is good for me too. If you realise that was the initial plan, now it looks like the time is for me and not for him... anybody lost? understand me?

stole a small hug and kiss before we parted, and parted full of doubts and uncertainty..hate this feeling...i am prideful because i keep telling myself, forget it, what's the big deal, get over it...but deep inside me keeps holding on...

Can I keep you?

Lives are for living I live for you
Dreams are for dreaming I dream for you
Hearts are for beating mine beats for you
Angels are for keeping. Can I keep you?

friends..better?

my life has just reached it's turning point, after much consideration, we have became friends. Will see how things go... whether or not the faint light can go back to the burning flame it used to be...will see

just did project today till about 9pm, is very please with my POM group members, i absolutely love them all!!! Bestest group i have ever worked with!! take initiative, motivated, enthusiatic!!! what more can i ask for??? my god!

my house area is breeding mosquitoes and i killed three yesterday, one today, my sister killed one today which she and my mum suspect is the culprit for kissing my baby niece, the two of them squashed it alive and dead!! twice!! haha!!...guess nobody loves me even if i get kissed by the same mosquitoe, nobody help me "bo choi"..haha

listening to my favourite station class 95, some blind date thingy going on, and now on radio playing Mariah Carey-Can't let go i think...power voice she has, my forever favourite singer...but her life is pretty sad too huh? yep!

looking forward to this new relationship..friendship rather...to start all over, get on the right track...and move in the right direction i hope.

I'd be putting my hopes low. Aiming high would make my fall more painful.

It's late, exhausted from project...haven't bath *yeek!*

haha...going to bath in my kodomo, and do a mask..cos qiuqun suggested a mask every weekend, but i started early, so change to a mask every wednesday...a scrub every weekend..keke
quite stress about my ballet class on saturday, running out of ideas for the little ones...hai...

why so many tutorials..

Yesterday went to work... helped in some wrapping of the valentine's day gifts for the lady guests. Yesterday was pretty boring, went home bathed.. then cried myself to sleep...sad huh, but ya, the truth is i think my body is tuned to crying before my period comes, and this morning sure enough it came.
I was very sad, but i wasn't sure what the cause was...was it the book i read?was it that i have to work on monday?or was it my failure of handling relationships? i dun noe, and i dun really care much now..
trying to get my mind off certain stuff, was lucky that for the past two days i was at work, if not, i would be worst than now..right now at this moment since it's a nice and sunny sunday afternoon, i decided to do my tutorials...

I am quite lost in accounts now, started losing my way since ms teo came in to lecture. I totally gave up hope. Since she lectured, i dun udnerstand a single shit she's talking about, can't even look for hope during tutorials since she is my tutor. I think i didn't try hard enough to pay attention to her, but let me tell you, it is like a patient training course, she is LONG WINDED and MONOTONOUS. I want a distinction for my accounts and I want it! Now it's on my own...

POM..project coming up, tutorials not done, mind is in a mess..guess i am messier than eileen tay now...or on par...sick and tired...maybe a break is really better...
very no mood..guess all adds up huh? could be my period cramps as well...trying to drown myself in warm water and vitamin c..

french project waiting..this that...

argh..back to sleep i guess since tonight there's the dinner...which i seriously dun feel like going..
extremely not in the mood to dress up...hmmm...

The long awaited update

Have been preoccupied with school and many other things these past few weeks...didn't have the mood to do an update in my blog...last few weeks went back to work, I initially tot it was like just guest apperance but now they want me to work again. I dun noe if i can handle. Attachment in may 23.. pretty looking forward to that...
this week is a bad week...lectures skipped, notes not copied, tutorials haven't been doing properly, just no mood at all..
things can't go any more wrong... just hated it..sometimes i wonder if woman is really that powerful, or just men are stupid...emotionally stupid.

took a few days off from my "work"...just a break, see how things goes...
strained...no more energy...
I just want someone to be more attentive to my needs, it takes a sensitive man.
anyway, will be looking forward to the 7th day of new year, going to buy lo hei for dinner..
everybody, happy valentine's day, treasure the ones you love, make sure you appreciate them more than you ever wil for anyone else.. those who are still looking, dun give up hope, they are out there, just have to wait for your paths to cross..once you feel it's right, go into it, dun hesitate, their paths may not cross again.

LOVE IS STRANGE
Love is a strange thing. It is a flower, so delicate
that a touch will break it
& so strong that nothing will stop its growth.
think how often we miss love in a life time by a wrong gesture..
by an unspoken word.. by not keeping silent at the right time..
we lose it by interference of other people,
by a lack of money and communication, b
y a quarrel over something stupid and yet..
we cannot live without it..